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This transcript accompanies episode 1, episode 1. Due to the sometimes unclear sound quality of earlier episodes, possibly due to deterioration in the original master recordings, this transcript may not be 100% accurate. In addition, this transcript is not intended to replace the viewing experience, as it only includes dialogue from the episode.

Snail: Timberwolfie. Timberwolfie. Hey, Timber. Say “Hi,” Timber. Type “Hello,” H-E-L-L-O. You can do it.

backstage banter: Did you get everyone here?
Ferret: (maniacal laugh)
Voop: I'm deaf!
Ferret: (maniacal laugh… again)
Voop: What is that? What is that thing?1) Get back! Down, down, down.

Voop: Wood. (laughs)
Ferret: Wood.
Voop: Wait, I'm a girl! I'm supposed to be talking like this!
Ferret: Wood.
Voop: Uh, hello everybody! Um, this is the, uh, Florida Furry Puppet Show.
Ferret: Wood.
Voop: The online… wood?
Ferret: Wood.
Voop: The online puppet show. And, um…
Ferret: Wood.
Voop: Wood… we are going to play songs for you, and we're going to tell jokes, tell dumb jokes. And, um… talk about furry stuff. Yup.
Ferret: Oh.
Voop: So is this… so this, we have no format for the show, this is the first time we've ever been on the air. Well, technically.
Ferret: All we need for our bluescreen is a machine that would put on backgrounds for us.
Voop: We need Hawaii back here. We need Hawaii.
Ferret: Yuh.
Voop: Mars.
Ferret: Anybody want to donate any video equipment? So we're not using security cameras and, uh… floodlights and… a sofa for a stage?
Voop: Yes. You will say yes. You will say yes. Yes. You will say yes, you will donate. Look into my eyes!
Ferret: Basically, the sofa's sitting on two end tables.
Voop: You will donate! Give us all your electronic equipment!
Ferret: And… that is my bed sheet on the wall. Duh.
Voop: What is that stain? Uh-oh.
Ferret: Oops.
Voop: Oops! Ew!
Ferret: Ew.
Voop: There's Alaska up there, and there's, um… Hawaii.
Ferret: Today's weather is, partly sunny, high in the 70s, low in the 50s.
Voop: With a cold front moving east…
Ferret: This is Florida. It moves we- no, yeah, it does move east, don't it? Southeast…
Voop: Doesn't get cold here.
Ferret: It's 50.
Voop: 50 freezes.
Ferret: Current outside temperature, 68.
Voop: Well, you can go to the beach at Christmastime. It doesn't get cold here, really. We have three whole people. Who's watching the show? We can like, say “Hi” to our audience.
Ferret: Hi, audience.
Voop: Hi, audience. Is Timberwolf still watching? It's the interactive puppet show. You can type something, Timber. Show us. Show us that you are alive! Show us that you're still breathing.
Ferret: And we have over on the keyboard, interpreting things from the Internet, Mach, the hyper, super-caffeinated, no-saccharine-added cheetah.
Voop: You be kidding… Meow! Meow! Mach Stormrunner! That's his Jedi name.
Ferret: Uh, and I'm a ferret.
Voop: Yes, you are. You're illegal in San Francisco.
Ferret: In San Francisco?
Voop: You'd be going right to jail there, pal! You, uh… you and all the gerbils.
Ferret: Isn't that, like… racism?
Voop: No. 'Cause ferrets aren't as good as foxes, yeah!
Ferret: Yeah, but what about the gerbils?
Voop: Gerbils are illegal, too.
Ferret: Wonder why they're picking on us.
Voop: Well, if you need to know…
Ferret: I don't.
Voop: What's the rating on this show here? How honest can we get?
Ferret: NOT!
Voop: I guess we can keep it “G”? Oh wait, it's the Internet! We can say anything we want to! I saw a commercial the other day for this radio station… oh, it blew my mind!
Ferret: Uh, don't go there.
Voop: It traumatized me. It's for Free… the Free, the Free station… ah…
Ferret: I don't wanna know.
Voop: Oh yes you do-o!… I wonder if it's a San Francisco station… so, is anyone out there? Mach! Is anyone saying “Hi”? Is anyone acknowledging us? Who? What? What are they saying? It's guest letter time. Letters from the audience.
Mach: Letters from the audience.
Voop: Letters from the audience.
Mach: Timber says he's here. The rest is watching.
Ferret: Timber says he's here.
Mach: Let's see… Stanley says he's on the lines.
Voop: Yay, Stanley!
Ferret: Lions?
Mach: Tom Servo says, Nutrasweet!
Voop: Dah! Tom Servo. Where's Crow?
Ferret: Wait, is Panda watching? He was supposed to send down some Sweet N' Low.
Voop: Panda Guy! Beijing panda! Panda panda panda!
Ferret: Ouch.
Voop: Wood. Uh-oh.
Ferret: Ouch. My foot fell asleep.
Voop: Uh-oh.
Ferret: This is a bad thing. So, since we're on a 10-second delay, you need to slow down, Mach.
Mach: Can't do it. I can't do it.
Ferret: Yes you ca-an. You're the one who has to accommodate for the 10-second delay. So, every time we say something, just wait 10 seconds before you make a comment on it. DUH!
Voop: You're all in the past. You're all in the past right now. You're all getting things a little late. You're a little slow.
Ferret: That's in case, if she cusses, I can bleep it out before you get it online.
Voop: Ooooooh, sugar! Ahahaha!
Ferret: Just like if I were going to say, (beep onomatopoeia).
Voop: You'd say “beep?” Well, they say “beep” on the radio all the time.
Ferret: Yep. So if I were going to say something really foul like, “You are a stupid little…”
Voop and Ferret (in unison): “BEEEEEEP! BEEP BA-BEEP BEEP BEEEEEP!”
Voop: And you, you stupid BEEP, I'm not gonna BEEP in your BEEP and BEEP. BEEP… Beep beep. (squeaking sound)
Ferret: You know, that car was doing profane things as well as “beep beep”ing.

Voop: We got a beep-beeper.
Ferret: Oh no. God… uh… DOWN WITH THE CARROT!
Voop: Drop the microphone… Oh, it's that thing again! Down! Back, back, back… Hi, Marky Mark! And Stan-ley!
Ferret: Wow.
Voop: The amazing Stanley. Where's Stanley? Is he in California, too?
Ferret: Oh. Somebody is calling. Somebody answer my phone.
Voop: That was good. You knew they were calling before it even rang! That's spooky. Okay, I'm freaked out. I'm officially freaked out right now.
Ferret: Answer my phone, please.
Voop: I'm officially freaked out. Didn't even… didn'… see Simba's on the phone.
Ferret: Voop called.
Voop: Who is it?

referring to the puppeteer